One fine day in the year of the bush

Good god, the Guardian’s back to its old, reactionary, hairy old ways. Emer O’Toole is making money for old (if short) rope in today’s piece about bloody pubic hair. I thought this hoary old crap had been dealt with after Bidisha’s appalling piece on the same subject (with the same metaphor) back in whenever (see To shave or not to shave) but no. it’s back. And it’s stupider than ever.
I admit she may have a point of sorts when suggesting that it’s led by market forces, but market forces are the forces of people marching with their privates, not the ‘industry’ (the new ‘they’) convincing us of the necessity of shaving. People do it if they want to. That’s how it works. The markets are consumer-led. Good on her, however, for not blaming ‘porn’.
Of course, halfway through this piece we realise it’s only an advert:

I had my first (and last) Hollywood in August as research for the book I’m writing

oh, you’re writing a book … so, you’ll be relying on the publishing industry to convince people it’s worthwhile, no doubt. I wonder how that’ll work … hmm.
But soft, what light through yonder crack breaks? It is the light of idiocy, and Cameron Diaz is its name.

In an unlikely about-face, Cameron Diaz has proclaimed that pubic hair is there for a reason, and to remove it is tantamount to saying, “I don’t need my nose”.

Now then. Let’s try ‘tantamount to saying, “I don’t need my appendix” … By her logic we ought all stop cutting, hey, even washing, our heads of hair, and stop trimming our nails. Stop dying our hair, Cammy, stop wearing make-up? Total fuckwittery.
The truly idiotic thing, however, is the ‘there for a reason’. No, it’s not. There are no final causes in nature, Cammy. Pubic hair is what we’ve been left with. There’s no reason for it to be there though it presumably conferred some advantage onto the hairy at some point (that’s how evolution works, look it up), so the hair stayed.
We might postulate that it served, for example, to protect the genitalia from flies and other unpleasantries. It may have served to help concentrate the scent of an individual to render them more attractive.
But you know, nature’s slow, and we done invented underwear. And soap.
So. Emer. Best not stop at letting it grow, best stop washing and go naked. Clothes and scent are just oppressive, anyway.
Or, alternatively, grow up a little and accept that we can make up our own minds – by all means let it grow, just don’t make a song and dance about it. We have no direct interest in your hirsuititude. Pubic hair is not a political statement. It’s just (with apologies to AC/DC) pubic hair.
Now get over yourselves.

2 thoughts on “One fine day in the year of the bush

  1. I’m quite attached to an anthropological suggestion I came across that surmised pubic hair provided the means by which primeval baby hung onto primeval parent. Hil-hair-ious!

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